Finding Community Again: John’s Story.
After facing cancer, poverty, and isolation, John found hope and community through a United Way BC Healthy Aging funded program. His story is a powerful reminder of how connection, compassion, and culturally safe support can transform lives.
When John arrived in Vancouver in 1978, he quickly became a vibrant force within the 2SLGBTQIA+ (Two-Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual and additional sexual orientations and gender identities) communities. As a performer, producer, and director, he used his talents to raise funds and awareness during the AIDS epidemic and beyond. For nearly five decades, John gave his time, energy, and heart to causes that mattered – supporting those in need and building a strong network of friends along the way.
“I met a lot of people, worked with a lot of people that were very well known at the time,” John recalls. “To work for AIDS, I sort of stopped working for myself and just started working for community, which was absolutely great. I loved it – and I continue to love it.”
But life took a difficult turn for John just before the COVID-19 pandemic. Diagnosed with cancer, he found himself unable to work and, more painfully, without the support he had once given so freely to others.
“I found during that time that community kind of let me down,” he says. “All my friends that I thought I had – when they found I had cancer – just dropped me like a red-hot balloon.”
The Weight of Isolation
Living alone on a tight budget, John faced increasing isolation. “Not having money is a huge problem. As you get older, you can’t do things, you can’t go places, you can’t buy things. I haven’t bought any new clothes for a long time. I’d love to go shopping.”
Even basic needs like food became a challenge. “My vision is really bad. I can’t read labels and things like that. And I really, really need the help.”
John became increasingly lonelier after his cancer diagnosis. “It was really, really tough on me. I had no idea where to go for help. All by myself… not knowing who to call, not knowing where to go.”
John’s story is far too common. Research consistently shows that 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals face significantly higher rates of social isolation than their heterosexual peers. Among adults aged 65 and older, 2SLGBTQIA+ men are twice as likely to live alone compared to their non-2SLGBTQIA+ counterparts – a stark reminder of the unique challenges this community faces as they age.
The consequences of isolation are profound. It’s closely linked to increased risks of anxiety, depression, and other serious health issues. For 2SLGBTQIA+ seniors, these risks are compounded by elevated rates of poverty, discrimination, and suicide. Many also face added vulnerability when coming out or transitioning later in life – times when support and connection are more critical than ever.
A Lifeline: Discovering We Are Familee
Things changed for John when he was connected with the We Are Familee program, run by Dignity Seniors Services. The program empowers 2SLGBTQIA+ seniors to age with dignity by matching them with trained volunteers who provide emotional support, help navigating services, and meaningful companionship.
“I heard about the organization and they asked me if I would be interested in talking to somebody and I jumped at the opportunity. I think that it’s a necessary addition to our community,” John says.
The program matched John with two volunteers – Marcio and Chris – who brought not only practical help but also friendship and community connection.
“Marcio… he’s from a different country and he had all sorts of things to tell me that I didn’t know. I really enjoy the repartee,” John shares.
Marcio helped John with tasks like disposing of old furniture and even explored solutions for John’s chronic back pain. “He started talking immediately about who we can see, and then he said ‘orthopedic mattress’ and got into all sorts of things. I have had nobody to help me in that direction at all.”
“I think I only saw Chris twice, three times, so we never had a chance to really do activities but we got to know each other real well.” Though their time together was brief, the impact was lasting. “He’s in his 30s. And on the aspect of being a companion, he’s fantastic.”
John adds, “It’s really nice to be able to have somebody that you can really talk to. Now I have people that I can talk to, look forward to seeing, and go out and do things with.”
The Power of Shared Experience
We Are Familee offers more than just volunteer support – it creates a safe space for 2SLGBTQIA+ seniors to connect with other 2SLGBTQIA+ people who truly understand their experiences.
“A gay person has a very difficult time talking about personal issues with straight people. It’s not because straight people don’t want to listen, as much as they just don’t know how to accept what they’re hearing. It’s very foreign to them,” John explains. “Marcio and Chris are both gay. You can talk to each other. I desperately needed that for a long time. It’s very, very difficult to find.”
We Are Familee empowers 2SLGBTQIA+ seniors to age with dignity and receive the support they require, reducing isolation and enhancing quality of life by ensuring that queer seniors are connected to culturally appropriate services, peers and community groups through meaningful activities and culturally safe engagement. And just as John experienced with Marcio and Chris, the program fosters relationships between younger volunteers and older queer adults, bridging generational gaps and passing on cultural history.
“I think the organization is setting itself up to help people in ways that aren’t necessarily mainstream, but more personal, more personalized,” says John. “Which is fantastic and something that’s desperately needed.
Building a Future of Belonging
Thanks to funding from the United Way BC Healthy Aging Volunteer Coordination and Support grant, We Are Familee is poised to grow. Over the next two years, the program will train 15 volunteers to support 30 participants like John. The long-term vision is even more ambitious: expanding to five additional Vancouver-area organizations, training up to 75 volunteers and supporting 150 participants, with the potential to scale province-wide.
“I feel that there’s hope,” John says. “I feel like I have gained a couple of friends. I have been able to get out more often than I had been able to get out before. We went shopping. I’m really glad I got to do it.”
Thanks to the support of the Province of BC and the generosity of donors to United Way BC, programs like the Volunteer Coordination & Support initiative are making a real difference in the lives of seniors. These vital partnerships help deliver meaningful services that keep older adults active, connected and engaged—on their own terms.
With your help, we can expand our reach and bring even more programs to more communities. Join us in creating a future where every senior has the support they need to thrive.